Keeping marriage spicy: how to annoy the wife

[NiteProwleR]

Upperdecker the toilet.

[PatK]

Rip a giant fart in front of her and blame it on the dog

[DarthPotato]

Finger in her butt/mouth every time theres am opportunity.

The bitch had started putting fingers in my ear though in retaliation

[joesonshuevos]

These done 12 minutes ago…(I have a rule that if she asks me than 1 question within a sentence, I answer none. Mama Huevos: “What do you wanna do on the 4th, stay in, go somewhere, just chill or visit Bertha”…no answer…Mama Huevos: “RRRRRRRR. Damn it, what do you want to do?!” JSH “Well, right now, I am keeping the lights on, how about we discuss this when I am not?!” MH: “FINE”!!!

Here’s the 1 that infuriates her and has for 2 decades, the ole ya mama jokes.

Mama Huevos: “I think my mom is finally ready to sell (a car that she hasnt driven in 2 years).”

JSH: Hmm. Ive been putting her on the corner and selling her for years."
Mama Huevos: “you done”?
JSH: “something else yo mama never asks”.

[NiteProwleR]

Fuck her in the puss

[Burner2274]

@MBN

Changing the display language of her car display to anything other than english

I didn’t know this was a thing

[Burner2274]

@ptper

On the phone/text topic, i see how long i can carry on a text exchange using one of the four suggested responses google messages gives after a received text. She’ll type out a long text and get “Yay!” or an animated sad face

We do this at work through Teams

[Burner2274]

@RosieOdonnell

I have this hilarious thing I do now and then when I invite her out on a date, she gets all dressed up, and then I get in a full blown fistfight at the bar! It’s even funnier when I get arrested and she has to bail me out!. Bonus points if I lose fight and totally get the shit beaten out of me!

Is your name Tommy? I think you’re my ex brother in law.

[Burner2274]

@ThunderlipsTapped

When my wife does voice to text while i’m in the car, i will start yelling all manner of horrible words at her phone, or some shit like “i pooped my pants,” then I’ll start screaming “send” over and over.

My friend works for the Highway Patrol and part of his duties is inspecting stations. He will call ahead of time to let them know he’s on his way, and his coworker will scream “I LOVE YOU”. It has gone through a few times.

[X8X]

Finally the voice of reason

[55YTI]

If you keep responding to whatever she’s asking you to do or go or whatever with “Sure, if you’re into that type of thing”, it’ll piss her off to no end. You just have to be consistent, it’s the long game.

[JohnanthanDoe]

These are good verbal annoyances. I have a different brand of annoying that I use. It’s a spin on the classic dutch oven: wait until she’s in the shower and it’s good and steamy and stick your ass in there and fire away. Something about the steam makes it so much more potent.

[MBN]

Wife in bathroom, i tell her i have a question and cant hear with door shut. I open the door whole she’s peeing and…

Mbn, schlong in hand: reverse blumpkin?

Wife, eyeroll: IS THAT ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT?!?

Mbn: yes

I back out as she hurls extra tp rolls at me