Anytime we go through a drive-thru I shoot my straw wrapper at her. Been doing it for years.
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“Changing the display language of her car display to anything other than english”
Brilliant
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Whenever she goes on about anything and is looking for a response:
Mbn: “es posible”
i make sure to blame her aggressively whenever i can’t find something. woman where’d you decide to put the " "?
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“Keep it up, you’re on the wrong side of 25”
Want to try powder in her hair dryer, setup is going to be key here.
She gets the urge to rearrange furniture 3-4x a year. Always starts with “ive been thinking…” whichbis when i cut her off and proclaim “kitchen going upstairs, our bedroom to the garage, kids live in the backyard, and master bath becomes a brewery. DONE!” The i quickly exit before im moving couches
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“You like that dont you, you fucking idiot!!”
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When my wife does voice to text while i’m in the car, i will start yelling all manner of horrible words at her phone, or some shit like “i pooped my pants,” then I’ll start screaming “send” over and over.
It doesn’t always send the text when i scream at it, but sometimes it does, and she gets so pissed 
Then, she’ll try to send a follow up voice to text with an explanation that it was me yelling words at her phone. and i will do this whole thing over again.
If i can get it to send a fucked up text twice, she practically goes thermonuclear.
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The morning after a night of you giving her your A-Game in the bedroom, you need to flop your scrote on her shoulder and ask her “Do they feel lighter after last night?”
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I just remembered that one time we went to a fancy restaurant on my birthday and i knew she would ask the waitress to sing the birthday song to me.
Anyways she went to the restroom and i told the waitress and all the customers close to our table that we were twins and she’d always felt left out because i was born 2 minutes before her.
Yada yada yada, best birthday she ever had.
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I never heard this but I’m stealing it for a guy at work.
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Dress her up as hooker (maybe she still has her old outfits from just before you met) and put her on any corner near MLK. You circle the block a few times as her pimp yelling out phrases like “get back to work”, or “fuck you looking at” to potential Johns. Finish by dragging her into the car by her hair & making sweet love in the back seat or nearby dumpster.
It’ll be hard to go back to boring after that I suspect.
I have this hilarious thing I do now and then when I invite her out on a date, she gets all dressed up, and then I get in a full blown fistfight at the bar! It’s even funnier when I get arrested and she has to bail me out!. Bonus points if I lose fight and totally get the shit beaten out of me!
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I have for the last few years carried treats for different gf’s pets.
Figured out which treats give which pets bad gas.
When the dog starts farting it is time to go home.
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goddammit this is genius and i can’t wait to try this
You dating a guy at work now too?
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Just serve her frozen pancakes.
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Wouldn’t it be hilarious if you were both dating the same guy at work.
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They/them would be so shocked!
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